“I’ve hit my 60s, and my social circle is the size of a Cheerio,” Tomashoff said. He called this the “biggest mistake” of his life. Seldom do you read articles or watch commercials telling you to bank as many friends as you can for the lonely years ahead.” “The one thing you never hear about, though, is doing the same for your social life. Everything is geared toward putting every dollar you can into savings so you’ll live a comfortable life when you hit your 60s,” he said. Tomashoff realized that he had spent so much of his adult life focused on his kids and working hard to save for retirement that he left little time for socializing and making friends.īetween your 20s and 50s, you’re constantly “reminded that you need to save money for your golden years. It’s all about signing up for classes or, as I recently had to do, using apps not to date but to just make acquaintances.” “At my age now - with the only thing shrinking more than the working days I have left are the ages of my co-workers - there’s no natural way to just meet people who you want to share time with. You find a mate, and his or her friends become yours,” Tomashoff told HuffPost. You go out in groups where you meet other people. “When you’re young, you have co-workers and roommates around all the time. Making new friends requires more effort in your 60s than in your early adulthood.Ĭraig Tomashoff, a divorced 63-year-old father, writer and producer, said he’s noticed that after 60, making new friends “is something that requires effort in a way making friends in your 20s doesn’t.” Making new friends requires more effort in your 60s than in your early adulthood. “So if I’m going to give of myself what I consider the energy that you should give in a friendship, I need to know there’s going to be some reciprocity.” And so they might say, ‘Oh, I’m having surgery.’ You say, ’Oh, OK, I’ll drive you.’ Then you say to them, ‘I’m having surgery, will you drive me?’ They’re like, ‘Oh, I’ve got to do this, I’ve got to do that,’” Anne said. “I’m finding people are getting very egocentric. These days, she said she’s “much more selective” and “much more cautious” with her friendships. “There are a whole lot of people that I’ve met through my dogs, but I have not really found the energy or desire to meet them outside of the dogs as a friend,” she said. In recent years, though, these new acquaintances haven’t turned into genuine, lasting connections. She has also met some people through her local gym and training classes for her dogs. “But I know if I pick up the phone and they hear I’m not right, they’re right there.” “I don’t necessarily talk to them every day,” she said. “These are people that I would have considered friends, people that I talked to multiple times a week.”Īnne still stays in touch with a few dear friends she’s known for decades. I’ll come whenever you can come.’ Never heard from them,” said the 67-year-old, whose last name has been withheld to protect her privacy. “If I had to talk to them for one reason or another, they go, ‘Oh, let’s go for lunch.’ I was like: ‘OK, you let me know. She went from talking to 50 or 100 people a day at the office to not speaking with anyone on some days, she said.Īfter she retired, her work friends stopped reaching out to her. a divorced mother of two grown kids - retired from her career as a surgeon. Craig Tomashoff, a 63-year-old writer and producer. I’ve hit my 60s, and my social circle is the size of a Cheerio.
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